To Blog or Not to Blog

I have been on the fence as to whether or not to post regarding the events of the last week and a half. As we all know, IUI cycle 1 was a bust. But what happened after that, well...

Let me explain.

I have always been the kind of person who, when stuck in a stagnant situation, will change course. I do not like stagnation! I have known too many people who complain about their situations but who don't do anything to change those situations! Onward and upward, I say!

So. We are now at 3 years and 2 months infertile with one miscarriage. But I can't change this. I have no control whatsoever. I can do nothing but pray.

Sidebar. I have become both an infertility blog writer and reader and have found that these women are either "out" or "in the closet" about their infertility, at least to the world at large. And these brave women who are "out" about their infertility and who write about what they're going through and how they feel are a source of comfort and inspiration to me. So because of these women, I have decided to write about what has happened since the end of my last cycle.

May 4: my period showed up
May 5: trip to Dallas, Cinco de Mayo, copious margaritas during dinner
May 6: my 35th birthday heralding my change in status to "Advanced Maternal Age"
May 7: meltdown in the UPS store

I called my boss after the oh-so-embarrassing door-kicking incident and told her I thought I would need some time off. Maybe a lot of time off. She has always been super supportive and this time was no different. I love my boss! On Tuesday, I went for my first ever appointment with a counselor. See, this is part of my whole "change of course" need. What I've been doing hasn't been working. I need to do something, anything, different to keep from losing my mind. I spent the rest of the week puttering around the house and had my second appointment with said counselor on Friday.

I like my counselor so far. She motherly and I feel comfortable around her. She's in the process of picking my brain to see what makes me tick or what stresses me out. Hopefully she will be enough of a catalyst for change that I will keep my wits about me through whatever comes: more IUI, maybe even IVF (panic, panic!)

As my husband likes to say, we'll burn that bridge when we come to it.

Postscript

Today is cycle day 12. My experience with Clomid this month was pretty uneventful, with almost none of the side effects of last cycle except for some slight moodiness. Tomorrow I go in for my day 13 ultrasound and should trigger tomorrow night. That means insemination 2 should be on Friday morning.

Onward and upward!