Pregnancy Watch: Day 3

The insemination was done bright and early Sunday morning.

Last night I dreamed of madly dividing cells.

A good omen?

All I've got to say is ... OOWWW!

Don't you just love how, right before the doc nails you with the needle and you feel like you're being stuck with a pitchfork, he says, "now, you'll feel just a little pinch..."

As I have said before, my reproductive endocrinologist is not really a "communicator." You know, really, I don't like my doctor. I see this whole process as a means to an end. He's just a tool we're using (and you can take that however you want) to obtain our goal. Now I LOVE my midwives and OB/GYN. But that a story for later. For now, we're discussing the "tool" who is my RE.

Anyway, so today I went in for an ultrasound to determine the status of my follicles after the Clomid. The doc was a bit concerned that our timing was off, and that we'd have to call knock it off and try again next month, but the blood tests showed that all was well. We now proceed to Sunday morning and the insemination.

But before that can happen, tonight I had to have an injection of HCG to trigger my body to ovulate on command. Now I don't like needles, but I usually do fine when I don't look at what's happening. Sooooo. Dear Hubby had to give the injection. The nurse who instructed him how to give the shot was very nonchalant about it. There was no mention made of the stabbing pain that would be involved.

The instructions involved mixing the injectible ingredients and preparing a syringe. The needle was only about 3/4 of an inch long, and we'd been told that the needle had to go into the skin in my abdomen all the way. Again, the nurse acted like it was no big deal, but you know, I'm not a big girl. I don't have a lot of extra padding. That needle looked really long to be going all the way into my stomach. Dear Hubby prepared the location with an alcohol pad, waited for the skin to dry, pinched together as much skin as he could, and stabbed. Yeah, it hurt. But the worst part was the burning after the fact.

The biggest problem here was I had no idea what to expect. I feel very abandoned by my doctor and the nurses at the clinic. I really think that they should have been more forthcoming about what to expect. And maybe I'm just whining and need to suck it up, because this is just how it goes. Millions of women all across the country do this every day, which is probably why such a pervasive air of disdain for infertile women seems to hang over that clinic. We're the desperate and they're our saviors, so we need to just do what we're told. There's a saying in the military that perfectly describes this situation: shut up and color.

I don't like the drugs, nor do the drugs like me

I was so scared to take The Clomid. Since my doctor is not a, shall we say, communicative person, the only way I've been able to find out ANYTHING about what is happening when I go into his office or "do what I'm told!" is by reading about it on the internets. So The Clomid? There's a whole ginormous lot of information on the internet. And what I know is from the laundry list of side effects, here's what I've had so far:

Hot Flashes
Nausea
Nervous Tension
Insomnia
Fatigue (duh! see aforementioned)

Today is may last day on The Clomid. What I haven't been able to figure out yet is when do these symptoms stop? Do they get worse as my cycle progresses? Will they intensify next month if we're not successful this month and have to do cycle 2?

On another topic, I had a client come into my office today who is four weeks pregnant (!) (shout out to all you TTC ladies out there!) and who got pregnant doing IVF with another doc in the same practice that I go to. It was her first cycle. I was so thrilled for her, and we just sat there talking about this drug and that procedure and basically, I'm sure, sounded like a couple of crazies. But you know? When you're on this TTC train, you're on it body and soul. And everyone around us is along for the ride, whether they want to be or not.

It's time

So yesterday was cycle day 1 for this ovulation cycle. And this was the cycle Dear Hubby and I decided would be The One. So that means that today after work, I get to pick up two prescriptions: one for 3 Clomiphene Citrate tablets, aka Clomid, and the other for an HCG injectable. I plan to pick these items up after seeing my chiropractor.

Why am I bothering to mention this to you? I do so because I am torn. See, many years ago - I think I was probably 13 or 14 - I attended the wedding of one of my mom's college friends. This friend was 40, and had hooked up with her new husband after they had run into each other at their 20th high school reunion. I still remember her wedding dress and how happy they looked that day. Not long after that, she and her new husband started trying to get pregnant. They tried and tried. The story then goes that he insisted she do fertility treatments, despite her concerns. At 45, she started IVF. She did finally get pregnant with triplets. But then things went terribly wrong. The babies were born prematurely, and were severely brain-damaged as well as blind. Her husband left her a short time later.

This story left a huge impact on me. It has always seemed to me to be a cautionary tale about the risks inherent in messing around with nature.

I never thought I would be doing this.